Have you ever wondered why God gave us all these raging hormones and intense feelings, yet he asks us not to express them until we’re married. It’s like giving a child a box of tantalizing chocolates and asking him not to open them until a day or time that may never come.
I feel like that a lot of times. I think there’s just something about being young that makes us burn with passion. Even the Apostle Paul recognises this. The world that we live in does not make things easier. Everywhere you go, something about sex is thrown into your face. Sex has been idolised and made the newest trend. It’s like a train every young person wants to catch.
At one point or the other, we’ll be sorely tempted to give in to the demands of our flesh and if you’re like me, I have given in a couple of times too many. But this was quite a while ago y’all. So, don’t judge, just raise your hand if you’ve been in the struggle or are still struggling.
I’m not perfect. I had a messed-up past and I’ll share a bit on how God delivered me and the structures I have put in place to avoid falling into sexual sin anymore.
I think for me it started with reading those cursed romance novels, Harlequin and the rest. They put crazy thoughts in my head and filled me with unrealistic ideas and warped notions of relationships and sex. I had always known that God condemns sex outside marriage but over time, I started to accept that sex outside marriage isn’t so bad. I was too scared to have sex though, the thought of getting pregnant scared me silly and so I never dabbled into it but I went as far as I could without doing the actual thing.
Okay, here’s me being super vulnerable and open with y’all. And it’s because I know many people are really struggling with sexual sin and the lie the devil feeds them is that they are alone in this and so they sink deeper into it, too afraid to speak up and get help. You are not alone, beloved! I’ve been there and God has delivered me.
Eventually, I stumbled upon pornography and then became addicted. Of course, masturbation soon followed and the unending struggle began. It was hell. I was like a slave to my desires. I could not control my urges and I honestly felt as though I was in bondage. I knew I needed help desperately but I was too ashamed to ask for help. I was scared of being judged and so I kept quiet and suffered in silence.
But God being so faithful, I started to be set free. Freedom for me was a process. I’d stay ‘clean’ for like 3 weeks and then lapse. With time, the distances began to grow longer. I had to make tough choices though, I cut out movies completely because the tiniest thing could trigger the addiction. I cut out romantic novels, I became more deliberate with using social media. I changed my association, made sure I was only into Christian entertainment and got more serious with my faith-walk etc. I most likely would have achieved progress better by being accountable to someone else but shame didn’t let me. But God being so gracious, helped me!
Now, how do I manage these desires after being completely free from addictions? I like to visualize sex and all its accomplices like a box. I have opened the box before but I have also forced the lid shut, so I acknowledge that it’s going to be harder for me to keep it shut after opening it before. So I don’t take chances.
I still hardly watch movies and I usually screen them before I do. I prefer watching animations because they are safer. I am very deliberate about the kind of books I read now. I am also very cautious with my thoughts. All these shenenigans start with a single thought, so I am very careful as regards the kind of thoughts I entertain.
Anyway, the point is if you’re struggling with sexual sin, then this is for you. You are not alone. I have been there and I stand as a witness to say that God can deliver you. If he can me, then he definitely can deliver you. Don’t lengthen the process of freedom like I did, get help! Please, open up to a trusted person and set solid structures.
And if you haven’t fallen into my shoes, trust me, I can still relate. The struggle to be pure is real but since God expects it of us, his grace is sufficient for us! Don’t cave in, don’t give in to the desires of the flesh because it’s not worth it, honestly. As the Bible puts it: The end is death.
Please, stay pure!